the welldressedmess.

do handstands!

2009-09-26T11:44:00.007+08:00

Not that this space is not worth keeping, but I think I need a change.
Maybe be jumble crumble tumblr-ed. Soon!

Fave tune of the moment!:

[ Bruises - Chairlift]

Watch this space! :)

Last three.

2009-09-16T17:03:00.001+08:00

"Dimensi membutakan mata memekakkan telinga
Lalu diri menjadi hampa
Saat paradigma dunia tak lagi digunakan untuk menarka
Sadarku akan hadirMu
Mematahkan sendi² yg biasanya tegak berdiri

Sujudku pun takkan memuaskan inginku
untuk hanturkan sembah sedalam kalbu
Adapun ku sembahkan syukur kepada Mu Ya Allah
Untuk nama harta dan keluarga yg mencinta
Dan perjalanan yang sejauh ini tertempa
Alhamdulillah pilihan dan kesempatan
Yang membuat hamba mengerti lebih baik tentang makna diri
Semua lebih berarti apabila dihayati
Alhamdulillah³."

- Alhamdulillah, Too Phat

Nine.

2009-09-11T15:06:00.002+08:00

I say this every year & every year, this feeling still have not changed.
I am dreading Syawal. What is Hari Raya & how come every year we still spend it the same way. I feel Rimas (oh Rimas! Rimas!) just thinking about it.

It's a PR event non? It's a way for your kaypoh makciks to keep tabs on your life so that they can measure your standing against their family & compare. It's a waste of kilograms. Why do we have to eat the same kinds of foods at every house anyway. I have never minded dressing up, but this year, I'm not that keen. Even Hari Raya songs are not enough to put me in the mood. Why does it always have to be celebratory in the way malays know how & not in the way that it should be. I need something more than 'because it's fun'.

This makes me wonder how it will make us better.
ramadhan went by too fast.

drivel & de-clutter.

2009-09-08T23:55:00.003+08:00

because you're only as big as the thoughts you read & as small as the words you think. how often do we doubt the things that churn out even though it doesn't sound so nonsensical when it's audible. how do you make that count before it becomes smoke. again. how often do you hear the tinkling of headlights & realise that this is no longer what you want only to find that there's no one around to pretend to agree. like children do.

because we always need to remind ourselves of what we're lacking to make us feel righteous again. sometimes we're so used to getting, we don't bother about who's giving. gave. given. sometimes we're so used to having we care too much about what we're not getting. will you stop asking if I tell you I have asked too much. But if I stop asking You, will You miss these hands.

it'll only get better when we've reached the worst. tell me that's true.

sing, when you were here before...

2009-09-05T23:49:00.004+08:00

it's different. And when I chewed & swallowed, it suddenly feels like I don't belong here. I didn't belong there. All I could think of was where do I get off.

And we clutch that picture to our hearts because we expect each other to always be the people in that picture. But people change. People aren't pictures. And you can either take a new picture or throw the old one away.

- I Wrote This For You

reading my favourite lyrical therapy is always comforting.

blank canvas.

2009-09-04T23:30:00.004+08:00

After 5 years of looking at the same colourful walls, my room of pink & orange -

(circa 2004)

...has been completely painted over into nothing. just plain ol' boring white. It makes me anxious seeing my room just sitting there all washed out & without colour. Now it looks like it isn't any of us (sister or me) anymore!

I am waiting for a bolt of inspiration to hit me so that I can paint something on it. The room looks so lacklustre now, it's depressing.

smile!

2009-09-03T21:30:00.000+08:00

Check out the boy in red!

I couldn't stop laughing when I saw this, especially at the part where he did the 'I have my eyes on you' thingy with his fingers. a bit disturbing that kids can imitate this off MTV, but for entertainment's sake, it is quite hilarious!

retrospect.

2009-09-02T23:10:00.000+08:00

It amazes me how oblivious people can be, even if these people are literally closer to home. I don't think they realize how fortunate they are to have my parents prioritizing them all the time. & It is so unfair that they do not see the depressed expressions on the parents' face each time because, well, they're not here to see it!

I've seen so many examples every single day already. each time I also see the never-ending patience of the parents. & each time I feel like picking up a table & throwing it in their faces.

I'm not bitter mind you. I've gotten over the fact that I am deemed not as important & am quite comfortable playing the friendly-daughter role as opposed to favourite-daughter role.

how can someone live the same way for so many years is beyond me.
& my parents are a gem for still loving them the same way.

no lack of colour here.

2009-08-31T23:00:00.001+08:00

the baking frenzy will begin soon.

I think besides sewing, the mom actually loves baking. & apparently I'm going to be the unofficial chef de partie. I'm still trying to bargain my way into making this paid.
damn, I've become such a cheapskate.

nutella rolls

appreciate the rallying & ordering & showing support in one way or another.
I'm shamelessly plugging here but If you want to order too, just drop me a note on my Facebook! :)

turf wars.

2009-08-30T22:00:00.002+08:00

the problem with having a matriarch in the kitchen is that she is not willing to share. she wanted me to cook but she won't let me really use or move in the kitchen & watched me like a hawk, as if I'm going to pocket her favourite senduk or something.

but anyway, following her recipe & amidst all that shuffling, I managed to cook up break fast for the parents. I think they've accepted the fact that I might be borrowing their stomachs for my little cooking experiments.

Mutton Chop with Potatoes + bull's eye egg
dad: "mmm, taste like your mom's. nice."
mum: "okaylah boleh tahan for a first mini-indian dish. but next time must pay attention so it wouldn't hangus".
mudd: "not bad but can still be improved on".

mixed reviews today. which just means, I should not stop cooking!

celebrate small successes!

2009-08-29T23:27:00.004+08:00

I'm sharing my joy.
& I might be self-plugging here but I don't care!

Mudd&Nadd's finally launched!

Check out:

...Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter! thank you. :)
This has been really exciting!

cooking as therapy!

2009-08-28T23:00:00.002+08:00

I cooked! & it's not something instant too!

I tried the recipe that Tajj shared with me way back when. & cooked it for break fast. Was a bit hesitant because, well, I couldn't taste it in advance. & I'm not such a big fan of garlic. I had a lot of fun though going to the supermarket, picking up ingredients, pretending like I know the many kinds of veggies around (when I was actually reading the label), cutting, making up my own salad recipe, narrating the steps in my head & then finally cooking.

Steamed Fish with Lemon Butter & Garlic Sauce

Potato & Greens with Salmon Salad

It was a quiet affair today, with only the mum & me. she loved the fish, even polishing off the sauce and all. I would say my attempt worked! khekhe. the only thing that's missing was dessert.

I just realised how much I like cooking. I'm gonna try desserts next!

wanted: more ka-ching!

2009-08-26T10:00:00.001+08:00

It's not such a breeze if my reserves have been used & the pocket's almost dry.
Broke is an understatement right now. The long-term is a work-in-progress & the short-term solution...well, I'm still searching for it.

I'm contemplating starting a save-a-nadiah charity drive just in case I really don't get to go out of the house at all. Anyone wants my wardrobe? Dresses? Book? Anything?

... why do I want to say I'm not joking. oh well.

here's to a reflective month.

2009-08-22T23:33:00.002+08:00

dad began the very early morning with a poignant note of how we have to stop being selfish & arrogant because we have to seek, we cannot just sit & wait for it. then he reminded us of how things have to change for us to grow & a very stern 'you must be better than last year if not it will be another wasteful year'. good words.

here's to us being better & wiser.
& hopefully free of any worry & frowns.

on another note, if I haven't mention it already, it was nice to hear from you, in spite of whatever.

quaint hideaway for a day.

2009-08-20T22:39:00.011+08:00

I won the movie vouchers in a wacky coin toss via sms.

so of course we make haste not waste, & we decided on The Proposal with quirky Sandra Bullock. typical chic-flick although the fun part comes in the form of the tough boss & her nancy-boy man assistant (instead of the stereotypical posts of man-boss).

what was different was where we watched it:

GV Gold Class, Vivocity.

Definitely a relaxing experience. they do treat you like you're royalty. what I love the most is the Barcaloungers (ala Joey's Rosita). You can order food & drinks, albeit at an exorbitant prices (read: M&M's were going for $6), a button on your table for you to press to call on a server to your seats & blankets for company!

for once, I didn't mind the many ads before the start of the movie because I was parked so comfortably with my chair reclined back & feet up and all. I almost let out a long big 'aaahhhhhhhhhhhh'. a must try at least once. but it will burn a hole in your pocket. worth it if you received movie gift vouchers. (oh, thanks lyn for letting me experience it! )

if not, it's a whooping $36/seat (& this is without foods!).

okay, kita chill.

2009-08-20T11:52:00.005+08:00

every girl woman lady is vain, even though we don't like to admit or acknowledge.
I fall into the category of people that is vain but is in total denial, still.

I never thought I could go 1 day without makeup. but yesterday I did. It felt weird at first & my first instinct was of course to powder up. but after all the rush of last minute studying for test & whatnots, it seemed like a hassle. so voila, nothing on face!

an achievement!

...& he just said "it's okay you still look as pretty". :)

how to kill stereotypes.

2009-08-19T00:18:00.010+08:00

The thing about having gerek male lecturers is that they're direct, logical and sometimes quite crude. which is enjoyable to me actually. I've always thought I tend to bend towards women more but heck, I'm so straight you can snap me in two.

it was different just now because while telling one of his fictional stories, he said something like "...then the secretary would probably call ahmad the despatch rider to deliver the documents..". It's not the first time I heard someone mention infamous 'Ahmad the deliveryguy'.

why can't it be HockHwa or Muthusamy or Alfred?

I pity Ahmad. Ahmad is the delivery rider. Ahmad is the postman. Ahmad is the cleaner. Everything labour = Ahmad.

I had the urge to just tell him that Ahmad could be the next millionaire & laughing to the bank with his $$ while everybody else is out stereotyping.

I do think that as a race we're sometimes very complacent. But not contented with whatever we have. we're always talking about wanting to improve. But never do. & instead, still keep on complaining about whatever shit's coming our way.

someone somewhere must have thought it enough to identify it and label it. then made a passing remark about it strong enough for others to agree & remember it. then that remark is re-used over & over again. & because this thought is reinforced by seeing this race within that particular working areas, Ahmad would forever be stuck doing these dirty jobs.

...until he becomes a millionaire.
that's the only way that this would die, no?

escape artist for fun.

2009-08-18T17:36:00.010+08:00

(click on the tabs)

i love how accurate and colourful this visualDNA is.

fill in the spaces.

2009-08-16T23:59:00.001+08:00

there is always room for change.
& I hope this coming ramadhan allows for more.

how to be world famous 101.

2009-08-16T02:44:00.008+08:00

Both movies have the same actor. Both characters have weird accents & funny English. They have no qualms about invading other peoples' privacy. & the 2 of them are obsessed with wanting to be world famous.

But, give me Borat (2006) & his quirks anytime man. Bruno is just too much for me.

Funny is still his forte but this time around Bruno, the movie is too gay-centric. It's a compelling way to make a statement & I think SachaBaronCohen is really a creative writer to craft all of this out by using over-the-top actions, incredulous script and as usual, crazy outofthisworld antics.

Bruno underlines the problems with the American culture, from parents who are obsessed with doing anything to make their babies famous to adopting African kids to gay converters to the high sexual innuendos that seems to be ubiquitous there - everything's controversial. it is Bruno after all, so don't expect anything less than provoking.

After a while, laughing at whatever is on screen seemed really mean even though it is hilarious. it leaves a really weird feeling after watching. not happy from laughing but well, impartial & a little bit guilty. Bring your liberal thinking & watch Bruno. then laugh like I know you will. and then see if you agree with my sentiments.

Oh & you know after so many years of always having to flash my IC when buying tickets, for Bruno, they didn't need to check my birth date! like finally.

a pocketful of sunshine.

2009-08-14T11:55:00.002+08:00

captured: my parents & their silly antics.

i am loving all the green!
anyone up for another scenic walk? khekhe

sungguh the sweet.

2009-08-14T11:35:00.003+08:00

"Kepada Nadiah,cita cita awak yang bergunung ganang akhirnya tercapai jua. Saya amat suka badge yang anda beri. Lu dan Mudd rocks takkan mati. Lain kali kita hang out minum kopi dan tarik teh. Kereta saya sudah terlalu banyak rahsia orang tersimpan sampaikan naik mogok benda itu."

- huril ain

goodbye negativity.

2009-08-12T01:28:00.006+08:00

the words filled my mind in screaming big bold letters.
it was good to let it all out. reading it over, it sounded like a bad case of wishful thinking.

for now, I'm just going to Focus. eye on the prize, baby.

when it's not so blue.

2009-08-11T03:23:00.002+08:00

the family walk-about day didn't happen like how we wanted it to.
because it rained. thebrother opted out. we went out late. & somehow, thefather was abit off. he looked like he needed a male companion rather than hanging out with 3 ladies.

still, it was relaxing, just walking & enjoying nature.

& of course, loud cannot hurt a free monday.
Plainsunset was gorgeous!

[ Find A Way - Plainsunset ]

they still sound so good & I still love this song even after so long.
Everytime I listen to them live, I remember the memories flashbacks emotions break-ups concerts baybeats polydays screaming-out-lyrics pressing repeat. & I remember being sad&peaceful after all that.

it's a whole other feeling listening to it when you're happy.

when random backfires.

2009-08-10T02:13:00.004+08:00

when in doubt, surf.
illustrators & their visual therapy never fail to inspire me out of my tiresome brainless nights.

packaging for 'help' pills

spoilt plans had us being absolutely ambivalent & totally missing out on any national day celebrations. which was depressing & exactly the opposite of what I wanted to do. except for the sushi.

Let's hope the plan tomorrow is like a walk in the park. literally.

clueless.

2009-08-09T15:55:00.002+08:00

it feels like something's amiss.
I guess that's why I'm feeling so fickle.

ndp 08

oh, the one thing that miss most: more fighter jet action.
I hope you're all out, celebrating.

comfort in chaos.

2009-08-09T01:49:00.004+08:00

if you're wondering what I've been up to so far, here's a sneak peek:

it's like keeping a good secret - the time bomb kind that makes you want to just spill out the beans to anyone you meet. yes, if you cannot tell already, I am very excited. excitement has its perks too. I'm glad we're still staying this quirky & happy. sometimes I really wonder what the hell are we gonna do if we're not doing this.

after much pondering, time has made me reach to a point that I don't care anymore. anymore about the things that I used to, which feels weird but much needed. I have changed and it is really liberating.

& who was I kidding. I can never stay away from writing.

let me take a moment.

2009-07-28T01:19:00.003+08:00

here's something to remember:

~~you know, this space is not a priority anymore.~~

sunny side up sunday.

2009-07-27T23:24:00.004+08:00

Katie-Katie's Birthday Picnic: 26 July 2009

we had fun. I really love The Botanic Gardens. There's a certain casualness the place exudes. from the plants, to the long-winding walk.

I definitely won't mind going there again.
Can't say the same for the other 3 though, khekhe.

say a prayer for yasmin ahmad.

2009-07-26T01:52:00.007+08:00

was shocked when I heard the news .

Yasmin Ahmad was one of the malay directors that I look out for (besides P.Ramlee ) because I so love the lessons, ironies & stories behind her movies. & you know me, I don't even like or watch regular malay movies.

malaysia (& the rest of the world) just lost one brilliant talent.

" dadddyy... dadddy sayang mummy tak?"

2009-07-24T23:55:00.017+08:00

"buah betik, buah jambu. biar betik kau jambu!"

a rather impromptu decision to watch but we were excited nonetheless. 'Gelora Jiwa Remaja - Kisah Mummy and Daddy' (by Teater Kami) was understandable (by my standards!) & enjoyable, with its bahasa melayu pasar. with my half-past-six malay & my sometimes closet minah-talk, I feel so belonged, hurhur.

Funny. Right smack on the mat&minah language & actions . Nice use of colour. & elements. plus, it's quite interactive too - it felt like the casts were talking right to us sometimes. reminds me so much of secondary school what with the same kind of crap that's being spouted out & oldschool songs they kept playing (malay songs by Rahmat, NewBoyz to name a few). there's a certain kind of comfort knowing that things haven't change much & the same kind of language is still being used by mats&minahs today (' kiwak!', 'siak ah', 'boleh blah ah!' darah up siol! '). but with this comfort, is a sense of... reckless abandonment, that there's actually nothing we can do to change how or what is spoken. we just have to accept it. like how singlish exists, mat&minah language is here to stay. embracing it is another thing altogether.

There wasn't a dull moment & I applaud the scriptwriter for the witty comical ' slumber-ish ' lines. the ending could be more impactful but I think it would need more than a 1.5 hour show to drive & drill the lessons into the teens' minds. still, I'm not so sure how through doing the things that you're telling the kids not to do - actually touching hugging grinding almost-kissing scenes - is the correct way of letting them know that it's wrong. but ohwell. "it's a double edge sword" said mr.unromantic & I agree.

my first malay play in a long time & I'm glad we went. a nice mental stimulant. The play did it job well; by invoking new-old thoughts and of course, definitely succeeded in dishing out old-new emotions on something that we can always relate to even though we hate to admit it (because: "anyone who's a malay is a Mat or a minah"). of course, we got to extend our mat-minah vocabulary too!

after that, it took quite a while to get the minah-esque phrases outta my head. yikes!

do the shuffle.

2009-07-23T23:34:00.012+08:00

try to keep up.
hand on the Shuffle, let's make it play.

wouldn't you be cheesed off with MacDonalds for introducing something (le delicious cinnamon melts) and then taking it away from us even though I kinda get it that they're just testing the market and our receptiveness but heck, why do we need something green with our fries? who eats seaweed fries all the time anyway. what I dont get is why american tv shows (like jimmykimmel live) love to show footage of an iranian/iraq/arabic presidential person giving a speech and then dubbing it over with some nonsense jibberish script that everyone thinks is funny when it really is just drivel. I fail to see the humour in it all.

but what I cannot stand is the lack of anything good on the tube every thursday. which brings me to another point, in FB today all i see is TGIF and something about friday being over. that made me check so many times what day today actually is, like I missed some kind of memo that was sent out. cannot wait for the weekend. not that it makes any difference to me, it's just nice saying that. still, these aching bones come from the lack of sleep and the deprivation of delicious-ness, the sweet desserts sucker that i am. but it doesn't explain my lethargic state like somehow I cannot sit still sit straight and just want to slide down on the cold cold floor and stay there.

here's something else: i miss IJ. the craziness is crazy and the crazy is was disturbingly enjoyably painful. out of work into another new element of zany which ironically, is keeping me sane. & also, iloveyou and sushi, because now I feel like getting some raw salmon to fuel my appetite.

& saya mahu ketawa dengan kuat hingga terbahak2 dan tergolek2 di atas lantai.
Beritahu friday, I'm in love.

and then it was dark.

2009-07-22T21:35:00.004+08:00

I woke up early in hopes of catching a glimpse of the solar eclipse, even though we could see it only partially on this little red dot. Unfortunately, I also woke up to the sounds of rain so I could only watch this rare event on Prime Time Morning from the comforts of my couch.

what a wondrous sight (nevermind the grainy pixelated & shaky shots). the longest one yet. must enjoy it you know. by the time the next long one comes (year 2132), i think we'll all be gone. heh.

oh, to have it melt!

2009-07-21T22:30:00.005+08:00

besides the madhatter work & mr.unromantic, my newest obsession: MacDonald's Cinnamon Melts! sungguh sedap!

couldn't stop thinking about it since morning! & then was gonna grab some on my way home only to find out the Cinnamon Melts at bukitbatok are out of stock!

now i cannot get it out of my head. gah!

pocketful of sunshine.

2009-07-20T23:27:00.007+08:00

somehow lots of people think that I'm so super-freakin' free now that I'm not working. that I'm shakin' my legs spending $$$ like I have it growing out of my money plant at home. not like I give a rat's ass what they think. So life's been a little tough, busy & tiring. but all is good.

I'm really excited for these plans coming our way.

anyway, last weekend saw another milestone in katie-katie's life: Alina's 1st Birthday!

sungguh cute right. the little one was in her own little world.

another highlight: meeting durgadewberry after 9 Looooong years!

I wanted to tear when I saw her because, well, she left in such unwelcoming circumstances. we kept in touch, & I'm glad. but she did miss most parts of our teenage to half-adults to finally (now) adult lives. thank God we're having the time to catch up. :)

on another note, this makes it a harder hit. time just drags it down you know? I wonder how long we're going to do this to the point that it will somehow get destroyed. & stale. like the others. sigh. ohwell.

echoes in my head.

2009-07-17T03:05:00.003+08:00

[ Trouble Sleeping - The Perishers ]

WHY CAN'T I JUST FALL ASLEEP !

as real as it gets.

2009-07-14T23:19:00.004+08:00

it makes a huge difference, not working (so much) & then attending classes at night. usually I'll be fighting off yawns once lecture starts. this renewed energy's giving me motivation to concentrate more now.

which was why I was so bummed when I found out that the amount wasn't enough. i'm amazed thebank didn't tell me!

& felt even more...shitty..when theparents stepped in saying that they'll help me pay & told me: "don't stress stress".

it feels so sickening to leech.
...I dunno why I'm feeling so angry.

when working feels like playing.

2009-07-13T00:54:00.008+08:00

i think one of my motivation lies in the time spent together.

time well spent.
now I cannot even imagine what life would be if we didn't start it.

we go black&white in the night.

2009-07-11T01:38:00.013+08:00

Night Festival this time wasn't as carnivalesque as I thought it would be. I miss the big balloons & the oh so colourful bright neon lights. but. they've expanded locations & though i didn't go to any, there was a whole lot of flea markets tonight.

we made like orang-orang kampung & watched Seniman Bujang Lapok at the National Museum. I always wonder why it's still so funny even after we, I, anyone, have watched this so many freakin' times. & this time it has english subtitles. I like!

...& you for company, I love.

1234, tell me that you love me more.

2009-07-08T22:07:00.010+08:00

so what have I been doing lately?

- uncle's wedding is finally over. family affair was chaos.
- addicted to wedding cake, wedding food, wedding kuehs & wedding party crackers
- i am trying to stop eating but unfortunately staying home is keeping me on the munchies
- school has started. Final Semester!
- the weather's been playing with my nose. thanks to the hot then not then the showers, the flu & fever has been making me inspiration-less & almost lazy.

but I've been keeping my chin up & keeping myself busy thinking about thinking on things that I love doing. still doing it right now. I'm bothered that soon I might run out of $$$ because of textbooks. I'm bothered by this lack of freakin' space.

I'm bothered still, by these ape-telah-terjadi events.
i just wish i can let go faster so that it won't haunt me so much.

stretch & fold it.

2009-07-06T23:56:00.003+08:00

i would add more pictures but i'm just too lazy.
all the random episodes have sorta short-fused my drive to type.

[ 1901 - Phoenix ]

so just shuffle.

don't stop.

2009-07-05T23:44:00.002+08:00

The sign at one mrt station said :
"it doesn't matter how slow you go as long as you don't stop" - confucius.

comforting. & what it means is, I've gotta get up to speed!

wedding cake makes good comfort food.

2009-07-05T23:11:00.005+08:00

any wedding has that much chaos, so the gerekUncle's two days of madness is not much surprise to me. if anything, the many little surprises that it came with was relished with much humour.

except for the usual array of kiasu makciks, the unfriendly stares & the sudden downpours, everything thankfully went well.

he turned to us & jokingly said "woit, i've already found my second. when's your turn?"
i just rolled my eyes, groaned un-ladlylike loudly & told him how I expect him to sponsor mine.

& then I told him how it doesn't really matter who marries next as long as there's the usual justdesserts because wedding cakes are so deliciously yummy.

time to live or let die.

2009-07-02T23:58:00.003+08:00

sometimes my tongue suddenly gets a gag order, imposed on mouth by my own freakin' hard head just because i feel that i never have to hurt another to get my point across.

there are things i want to say that i did. eventually.
things that i don't like saying but i know i should & must.
things that i want to say to rebutt whatever it is that has been said.
& then the things that slipped out that i shouldn't even spout out.

but right now, besides still liking the position that i'm in in my life, i have to admit, somehow i don't have the inspiration to write it all out now. gah!

taking the cue from Monk

2009-06-30T23:23:00.003+08:00

see, we've got a lot to learn from Monk. granted, his eccentric cleaning & obsessive straightedge-ness can be too freakin' kiasu, in this pork-ish times (pun intended) he proves it is good to clean!

so when you meet me, let's do dettol & sanitize.
(because this paranoia is growing with every nightly shiver.)

fill it with...more void.

2009-06-29T23:41:00.006+08:00

my right arm might have a growing bulge at the rate that I'm pumping & moving that hot steel rod over the piles of cloth. Yes, it's true. I've become an ironing lady, all for the sake of my uncle's wedding (& cold hard cash, of course).

& No, I'm not taking on any other domestic jobs. anymore. i might as well be a voluntary pre-mature housewife.

what I'm really trying to say is, an entire day at home with the whole bunch might be the only thing that will eventually drive me to insanity.

" Smarter Conversations do not require the input of stupid people."

- hugh macleod, gapingvoid.com

...with this dry money spell + constant annoying need to keep on re-buying my stuffs, all the more I wish I can file for a temporary pass to move out.

how to motivate!

2009-06-26T22:07:00.010+08:00

I need a spark. it gets annoying if i get uninspired.

movie clip: Coach Carter
original quote: Marianne Williamson

friday, go solo.

2009-06-26T21:26:00.007+08:00

can you blame me if quiet makes me paranoid. I'm surprised I'm back to loving busrides now.
there's a certain calm with the mediocre scenes that the buses pass through. there's no place that those 4 wheelers don't go apparently.

many big news this week aren't there? including my own relatives.
all the more we should live a balanced life of now & then.

today, i pitied the non-michael jackson fans because suddenly the radio remembered him again & started playing his songs over & over. not that i mind - his songs have always been in my playlist (since free willy) & even now, in nancymidnight.

he's been alive all this time & no one bothered.
it proves that people always & only remember you more when you're gone.

in a 3 hour recess.

2009-06-24T22:47:00.005+08:00

thegreen made him softer & kinda solemn, which was understandably right. but well...weird. i didn't think i could ever get used to that quietness. Until.. he heard the supermarket music & started "gettin' jiggy with it". HAHA! now that's the mr.spontan i know!

khekhe i still have that image running in my mind.

i cannot lie very well; i was excited about the night-off today. & well, the remaining days doesn't seem so bad now. :)

revel okay people, because you know i'm never mushy.

another case of show & tell

2009-06-23T22:52:00.004+08:00

if someone asked, "why would you want to live aimlessly like this? slacking & enjoying life when you still have to find money to live tsk tsk" what will you say? would you feel insulted & go on the defensive or laugh & smile your way out of answering.

too bad, i don't care if he doesn't believe my answer.

i think he still have it in his head that i'm using this as an excuse to just get out of the company. which is moronic+ ironic because he keeps repeating that they would "support & help out anyone with a passion & a dream". HAH!

as ismailharon puts it, 'inilah semangat maggi: 2 minit nyer cerita.'

pocketful of mumbles.

2009-06-23T00:17:00.004+08:00

teh tarik talks make good conversations for our taking.
it is good to let go & let live. of course, what better way to do it than on a monday :)

this is random. but you know, i don't want to be the girl friend who must always talk about some guy she's dating or the partner she's with. i don't want to be the one to talk about who she loves all the freakin' time. i get conscious of always making that mistake & always subconsciously self evaluate on whether i talk about mr.spontan too much. i don't know why i always want to khekhekhe.

maybe it's how i finally have something in common with you chicas.
or it could be that i'm just lucidly happy to share my adventures.
or...i'm thinking it could just be that 1 day passes by so slowly, 5 will take longer. heh.

hey you know what?

2009-06-21T23:38:00.003+08:00

this weekend was jam-packed with events. we just went ahead & followed whatever we felt like doing. pity we didn't get to see people shakin' their asses to hot music. still, it's a wonderful feeling to be just randomly going along whimsically with whatever.

& I like it that the Singapore River Festival 2009 has a flea market going on during weekdays.

i hope this week just breezes through.
5 days seem like a long time.

the best things in life are silly.

2009-06-20T12:27:00.011+08:00

sometimes i wish i had an instax with me so that i can just go snap-happy.

you see, we're never the always-taking-pictures-everywhere-we-go-to-remember-the-moments-so-we-can-keep-the-pictures-&-show-it-to-our-kids kind of people. that means i dont have many photos of us.

i have a camera & i do bring it along, but somehow amidst all the madness it gets forgotten.

pictures are not important after all khekhe.
& it doesn't matter because you're still so silly.

the start as we know it.

2009-06-19T07:16:00.002+08:00

this all-time favourite song seems apt when paired with these favourite adventures.

[ Dreams - The Cranberries ]

Oh, my life, Is changing every day,
In every possible way. And oh, my dreams,
It's never quiet as it seems, 'Cause you're a dream to me

love drug.

2009-06-17T23:57:00.005+08:00

"Draw whatever it is you feel & like about your years to come," said the primary 3 teacher. i didn't keep my drawing but i remembered sketching something like this (with the word bright) but with many more larger awkward flowers.

it gets clearer. while i always look back (what else but to emo & be nostalgic), i cannot wait for the adventures & moments that will happen in forward too; neon bright with much colour.

oh, you'll see.

attack of the strawberry kids.

2009-06-15T23:52:00.005+08:00

"confirm, chop, stamp" it IS sungguh lain . so this is what new feels like ey & sheesh, this is really what i get for helping. tapi takpe. yang penting, happy.

it will take me a while to let go being the sentimental fool that i am but hell, i will let go soon enough.

we should have taken a picture of us all dancing to mr.random's chicken dance at marinasquare because we looked so mad right then.

of familiarities & strangers.

2009-06-14T23:56:00.005+08:00

it feels lighter sitting there. different but lighter.
& especially relaxing sitting with some crazy-ass people.

i didn't get it why we have to come up there to cut the cake. but ohwell, 3 years is 3 years of goodbye. it was great seeing some familiar faces again. i simply love talking to them & meeting new people.

& talking to new people, even strangers. striking up a convo with them or simply smiling- strangers always seem to want to talk to me, especially when we're in the ladies. today, is one example (a girl asked me about my tudung & ring). not that i mind, i find it really interesingly fun.

it's great to have the freedom to be random.
i love this installation the most: WhatDoYouWantToBeStranger?

when a Massive Flea Attacks!

2009-06-13T07:19:00.002+08:00

finally some digging & (cheap) shopping, yey!

nostalgia, oh!

2009-06-13T07:03:00.003+08:00

feeling nostalgic: this time last year we would be the one with sleepless nights, scampering all over & going off on a trip, laughing all the time. i had the most crazy time that year.

memories. seems like in a flash, we've come to the 3rd anniversary of it all. i'm glad i'm coming as a guest this year, even though i'll be a guest with nothing to wear!

sigh, but that's a different story altogether.

a speck of white.

2009-06-09T23:13:00.009+08:00

Did i tell you about the time we met the planet Saturn? she pops up only once or twice in years. it was like looking into a peephole & seeing one cute little speck of white. literally.

(saturn from a telescope)

yes, that tiny little white that looks like a cut out is all you get to see from here on our dear gaia. sungguh comel loteh.

oh whatthehell was i thinking?

2009-06-09T22:21:00.003+08:00

the saying whatgoesaroundcomesaround is so apt right now, especially today when i was incessantly clicking my mouse up down left right non-freakin'-stop.

i mean, whatwasithinking. i was prepared to find a good wall & knock my numbskull head in.
tetapi! tidak mengape! im still free & i would still have my free time, at least with more ka-ching $$$!

i want to finish it all.

...as your bad day disappears.

2009-06-05T00:38:00.008+08:00

i get tired all the time now, it seems.
still, was trying very hard not to bop my head on the mrt.

[ Jigsaw Falling into Place - Radiohead ]

Just as you take my hand Just as you write my number down
Just as the drinks arrive Just as they play your favourite song
As your bad day disappears No longer wound up like a spring
Before you've had too much Come back in focus again

i'm thankful for
. the wonderful thing is this freedom to choose.
. & everyday is a lesson, everyday something new to learn.
. change is a constant.
. opportunities that come knockin' to keep me on my toes.
. randomness, because that's where love is.

this space is quiet.

2009-06-04T23:58:00.002+08:00

ahh, the wonders of the internet & especially, facebook!
instantly everything goes. tonight, I even got a recipe for one (sounds) deliciously-garlicky-fishy meal (thanks tajj!)

Steamed Dory w/ Lemon Butter & Garlic Sauce

Ingredients for the sauce:

1. 1 block of butter
2. Fresh parsley (except for the stem, chop the rest into small pieces)
3. 6-8 pieces of garlic (de-skin, place your knife on top of each garlic, just knock it to gently smash it)
4. 1 spoonful of honey mustard
5. 1 spoonful of mayo
6. 1 spoonful of cream cheese (optional, since already have mayo. alternatively, u can use nestle cream sauce)
7. A sprinkle of lemon zest
8. Salt and pepper (just a pinch will do)
9. Half a lemon's juice

*the above quantity will be enough for you to marinate a total of 3-4 fillets, depending on the size of each fillet.

Instructions:
1. Mix all the ingredients for the sauce and stir it well
2. Lay down the fillet in the tray.
3. Sprinkle some salt and pepper on the fillet.
4. Spread the mix evenly on the fillet.
5. Fold the fillet into half.
6. Then spread the mix on the top of the folded part.
7. Cover the tray with a towel (or any napkins will do) so as to trap the heat and make the fillet all moist.
8. Put the tray in the microwave and leave it for 7 minutes (or slightly longer if there are a lot of fillet in one tray).
9. Once done, poke through to see if the fillet has thoroughly cook.
10. If so, lay the steamed fillet on a plate and pour the remaining sauce on top of the fillet.

I'm gonna try it one day! will let you know how (edible!) it is!

in other news,

2009-05-31T11:12:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE!

chase, don't follow.

2009-05-31T10:55:00.006+08:00

normal didn't last very long but it was good to get it out of my system.
i feel Free knowing that i can come & go as i please.

"so chase, don' just follow", mr.michael said to me once.

telling bigboss wasnt as scary as i thought it would be. & it was a relief. couldnt shake off the 'applepie' insult though & today I woke up dreaming of a blended apples. so be-littling sometimes they can be. but. i'm still, FREE. :)

3 years in a nutshell.

2009-05-30T00:10:00.011+08:00

the mrt ride on le last day was one of purpose. i really thought i was gonna bawl my eyes out. turns out, i managed to keep it all in despite a couple of almost-teary moments. i really pity mr.P because of the amount of work im leaving him with. he'll probably hate me for that.

still, the numero uno (#1) on my list: the people.

well of course, familiarity grew into comfort & emotionalattachment.
sigh, i am going SO going to miss them all.

still counting.

2009-05-29T23:32:00.007+08:00

#2: being part of the ccpe community! & all the social events!

..great times!

work is a see-saw.

2009-05-29T06:23:00.003+08:00

#3: the responsibility of working & being an (unofficial) teacher-ish figure (minus the marking the exams the stress of students!).

left with momentos.

2009-05-28T00:26:00.004+08:00

#13: the rush of school madness & chasing deadlines.
#12: the art gallery; wide spaces & full of imagination.
#11: random conversations along walkways.
#10: being a first aider.
#9: calm & quiet of schoolholidays.
#8: ah-meng's teh & (secret stashed) brownies.
#7: seeing the look on people's faces as I walk out of the churchy-looking school.
#6: loooong lepak lunches!
#5: going out with the girls, watching them compete & winning or admiring them for fighting hard & keeping their heads up even when losing & then seeing their faces light up over something exciting (or over nothing at all).

#4: school events & all its craziness!

i'm down to my 2nd last day & nothing much has changed (for le workdesk) except that mr.tall has (almost!) settled in & i'm finding it harder to just freakin' let go.

note to self.

2009-05-24T23:08:00.003+08:00

ambivalent start.

2009-05-24T21:52:00.002+08:00

last week this week! i'm just afraid i wont finish whatever by friday's end.
still, i am looking forward to passing this long overdue baton.

#14: the worn out desk. i wish i can whisk it away & plant it somewhere else.

pack up & let go.

2009-05-23T17:30:00.002+08:00

well, i was armed with dusters, wet wipes, garbage bags & files. but, the desk is still as messy & now i have to get new files to do more organizing.

the realisation came too late: 3 years' worth cannot fit into a box.

friday fiesta.

2009-05-23T16:54:00.004+08:00

# 15: the IJ Spirit & IJ Fiesta!

(dunking machine - Fiesta '07)

(duel ala gladiator - Fiesta '08)
I didn't go snap crazy like the past years. simply because, I really had not much time to. it was crazy, especially when theoffice suddenly became the popular venue for an impromptu (spoilt rich annoying) childrens' party. out, i went.

the only thing i didn't like this year - they had a huge gingerbreadman as a mascot.
freaky as hell, especially when it started following me when i was hurriedly walking away from it.
24yearsold & I still cannot let go of my fear of mascots!

under pressure.

2009-05-21T22:52:00.006+08:00

the words brought me back to reality & well, that little sad place again.

when i told the colleagues of the decision made & the replacement coming, missF said, "you mean you're really leaving us? you mean this person is coming in to Actually replace you?" ...So incredulous her expression, as if I was only kidding all these while.

I nearly teared but was saved by thecolleagues constant nonsensical ribbing of "3 years so fast, when we see you again,you'll prolly be pregnant with ur first child" "don't forget us when u're rich & happy" "if you dont visit us we'll crash ur house because we know where you live" & (the best one) "we'll probably be old by the time you have kids, so if you're looking for fulltime babysitters, keep in touch!".

# 16:

[ Under Pressure - IJ Dance Ensemble @ Dance Night '08 ]

I'm really looking forward to le fleamarket @ IJ Fiesta tomorrow.
7 more days baby! which means... I better start packing!

hope, for the hopeless

2009-05-20T15:06:00.002+08:00

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." — Oscar Wilde.

this sudden urge to grab some brushes & start painting something (anything!), is coming back. always & especially when my half-open eyes are staring at some white wall. i noticed that i've been successful in ensuring that thehouse is not covered in too much white.

the only reason i'm running out of steam is because of this annoying reallyitchy eyes, uninspirational surroundings & the fact that i had a scare just now when i found out my harddisk (which has everything valuable) nearly went ka-puuuuut.

thanks eyes, for the 2day reprieve.

2009-05-19T12:49:00.008+08:00

like a true singaporean, i would say this is one of the best things:

(things i'm gonna miss) #17: free MC & medicine thanks to mediguard's blue card.

safe for this sore eyes of mine, the pile of waiting work on desk, boring afternoon tv shows & the fact that i'm not the only one at home, i'm really feeling at ease here armed with noelle (le lenovo) & tomyam cup noodles for lunch-O.

relaxing is inspiring!

...& then there's...

2009-05-19T01:39:00.008+08:00

#21: the smell of canteen food & the simplest delicious meal of mee rebus.
#20: huge spaces. & girly screams echoing from within the canteen.
#19: looking at the shiny trophies & arranging them like some OCD person.
#18: freedom of Colour.

everything in its place.

2009-05-19T00:18:00.004+08:00

what worried me was the realisation that I am not as flexi-minded as i used to be. i wonder if it's just the age reminding us of how much child has left. which might explain why i never know what to write anymore.

i know now: play is everything.

You twist when I shout, In when i'm out, There when I'm here
Why do I bother? Laugh when i'm down, Whine when I make a sound

[ The Great Decay - The Great Spy Experiment ]

10 more days of work rush & le dreaded spring cleaning.

don't give me ache, head.

2009-05-12T18:41:00.004+08:00

#22: we're all weird like that. i'm the youngest one & they always accomodate me.
or try to in their oldfashioned ways. which is good considering that sometimes i act oldfashionedly myself.

they're the people i never thought i would but could.
....& the countdown starts!

sentimentalists unite!

2009-05-11T00:30:00.004+08:00

to retort jamieleecurtis's "why do you keep clutter?",
(i like it) when jayleno said "in chaos there is order".

...what i don't like is the dread of work.
somehow i cannot wait till i'm up & out.

i said no.

2009-05-07T17:58:00.002+08:00

& she cannot disguise the disappointment in her voice.
one of the hardest things i had to hear. but anyway,

things i will miss, most definitely: Mrs.M.

off the top of my head,

2009-05-06T23:39:00.002+08:00

- lagi satu & then boleh tutup buku!
- how the hell am I going to clear work & the messiness that is my desk in 25 days!

"why unreason is better than reason."

2009-05-06T23:01:00.006+08:00

i'm such a sucker for petite books that is either written by my favourite authors or has huge typography, creative wordplay & stretches le imagination.

so trust me when i say, if you're looking for something new to learn then read Paul Arden's Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite.

this book is talking to me.
it's as if them big letters are standing on the sidelines waving their pom-poms & cheering me on.

in the end, crazy wins.

2009-04-30T17:38:00.007+08:00

CRAZY. WITH BIG MONEY. :)
if we had tombstones, wouldn't that be something cool to be etched in forever.

ironically, i got a voice of positivity & confidence from the unlikeliest conversation. which turns out to be what i really needed to hear; after all.

V.M.E (verymixedemotions)

2009-04-28T23:23:00.003+08:00

truth be told, whilst I know theFear is gangin' up around me, I am quite excited & I feel free-er knowing that I have a due date to these shackles on my feet that has been plastered to my workdesk for the past years.

Sad is sad. Soon is soon. but I cannot help being excited, in spite of.
It's like being in a washingmachine & someone just pressed the SPIN button.

yesterday's moments today. (#24)

2009-04-28T22:40:00.006+08:00

funny right, how 3 years ago we were in the same developmental courses together & yesterday we met again in the same workshop. came full circle & displacement = zero (something I've learnt from the science teacher).

I think they're having a headache-y field day with our batch now that we're down to __. really gratifying, this slight rebellious feeling i'm sure we all are feeling.

like le sidekick said (& i concur), "it's just time to move on".

buried in books.

2009-04-26T02:09:00.002+08:00

it was a little bit claustrophobic sitting in a classroom for the MR exam instead of taking it in the grand hall like always. there's just nothing to look at in the classroom & the ceilings are just so blah.

I always want to be one of the first people to go into the exam venue, just so I can experience the sweet feeling of relieve faster. 2 more & then I can really relax.

not that saturday wasn't relaxing.
i had fun just laughing. :)

oh, it's on repeat.

2009-04-26T01:02:00.008+08:00

I forgot how endearing Les Choristes (The Chorus) is.
Okto is really much better than le predictable channel5.

It is so weird how I first watched this movie whilst manning the videoezy counter, arranging dvds, with my head tilted upwards & glued to the plasma. man, I had a strained neck afters. Nice to think about those carefree times but it's much better to watch anything within the comforts of a comfortable sofa.

[ Vois Sur Ton Chemin (Look To Your Path) - From Les Choristes ]

& now, I cannot get this song out of my head.

things i will miss # 25.

2009-04-24T22:45:00.004+08:00

what i always look forward to during any competitions or meets: the Milo Truck!

there's just something special when it comes out of a truck than the normal mundane packet ones. Milo on tap tastes so much better & much more refreshing, I can never get enough. I almost contemplated on filling up a bottle. khekhe, I was trying so hard to maintain my excitedness in front of thegirls but I still think they caught my bluff.

if you see the Milo Truck parked somewhere, grab a cup & try. really! it's super yummy.

quiet: the new loud.

2009-04-22T15:12:00.002+08:00

you know, if it gets too noisy & someone goess "SHHHHHHH!!" orang melayu slalu kata kalau tak nak bising2 & suka senyap2, "pergi library ah!"

Well, saya di khutubkhanah sekarang ini dan bisingnya sama macam kalau saya duduk di kedai kopi pun. hmph, siape yang cakap tu tak pernah pergi library kot.

pandai-pandai je.

the overdue presents were finally given.

2009-04-22T14:50:00.005+08:00

sometimes some things are better left not said. out loud, that is.
if ever you feel out of your moment, then I hope you take a looooooong look at them 4 white frames & remember the many fantabulously crazy seconds you had with each of us.

take a picture of the pictures & show the rest, yes?
here's to you, & many more memories! :)

yummy tuesday!

2009-04-20T23:55:00.003+08:00

oooh suke sekali, especially when tuesday spells a stay-at-home-&-study day for me. only the 21st & yet the banks are empty once again. funny eh, I cannot even remember what we spent on.

& babe, i'm waiting for your good news. 100% passes right? khekhe. good luck!

not just noise.

2009-04-18T12:19:00.003+08:00

[ Cut Off Your Hands - Still Fond ]

my must-listen-cheer-me-up-beat-for-a-good-day song everyday.

power of magnets.

2009-04-17T23:10:00.005+08:00

"once you're part of IJ, you'll always be a part of IJ"
(she whispered to me. with a poignant smile & mrs.M turned & left.)

after that, despite my protests, the girls so sweetly gave me resounding hip-hip hoorays & a round of applauase to thank me when they heard that I'll be leaving. & then they rushed forward & gave me wet bearhugs- in their netball uniforms. sungguh touching, despite the stink they rubbed off on me. khekhe.

such a crazy day. especially with both my ex-boss & mr.B in the same place at the same time.

sigh, all these funny shenanigans & the whole series of events made me tear.
still, I'm glad netball season is over - No more eat, breathe, live, sleep, think netball! finally!

the smart EQ deficiency.

2009-04-15T00:44:00.004+08:00

people (& I'm talking about the adult kind) are annoying the hell outta me.

it's bad enough that we'd have to put up with their idiotic childish crap, it's worst when it takes up time off our already scarce lunch hour. spoils my freakin' day each time someone comes up to me in that time to just blab & blah & go yadayada on whatever it is they feel they desperately need to offload to me or us.

why can't adults just stop mindfcking with each other & grow up.

she keeps telling me that it's like that everywhere, but here I am thinking, maybe they should wear the uniform instead of thekids, who sadly, have much more sense than them 'adults'. really.

weight, wait!

2009-04-13T00:15:00.003+08:00

here I was, trying to figure out who the hell is 'mohammadyusoffbinsalleh' who added me on facebook. I only knew 1 yusoff so I was really cracking my head to think it through.
until it suddenly struck me: it's my dad!

he has upgraded one & found me on facebook!
I'm just proud that I didn't have to teach him for that.

I might have a lot of weight & words on me at the moment.
cannot wait (for soon, I hope) to offload it here.

angsty take-aways.

2009-04-07T12:11:00.004+08:00

"you work with them long enough you eventually know that ________ are just a bunch of mindless assess who knows s***!"

"I cannot stand it anymore, there's so many things to do & the ________ are driving me crazy!"

heard repeatedly in the office: "Aiyak! why so like that?"

"oh, for the love of goodness, why can't people just get along!" (as he banged his palm against the sterring wheel)

"i don't understand these _______! we're all adults right? yeesh! if looks could kill, you'd have to take out a bodybag for me now, nad!"

"you want anything nad?" no thanks, said i. "nevermind, I get you an icelemon tea okay?" okay, can how much is it (as I take out my purse). "no no nevermind, I'm getting this. from now on, I'm getting it, no need to pay me okay? we have EWS, PB, Promotions...they're paying you peanuts. plus, you'll just make me feel bad."

"how come _______, so old already & yet so childish."

"hey as long as you're here, I think I'm quite untouchable, khekhe."

I laughed most of the time, which made him laugh most of the time which was only probably the only way to deal with all the crazy people we had to handle. I'm amazed that a person like him would agree with the sentiments that I have been feeling all these while. oh, the irony.

i'm so glad theboss is insane.
& i am so glad for the break today.

open your eyes bigger.

2009-04-03T01:47:00.007+08:00

i'm running out of ways to help keep me awake- while at work!
i tried...

. coffee, capuccino, black coffee
. limeade, limejuice, lemon-lime juice, lemonade
. eating Nerds, sour strips, jellybeans
. chocolates!
. strawberries, grapes, apple + sauce
. walking around the art gallery, field, canteen
. asam-asin, plums
. 3356837 power naps

...but all these don't seem to work. instead, i think i might be gaining back all the weight i lost judging from the frequent snacking.

sigh what else can i do?

oh, don't stop now...

2009-03-31T16:45:00.004+08:00

didn't get a chance to even sit at my own cubicle yesterday & today. & for most of the coming days too. not that I mind; it's refreshing to get out of the workplace once in a while (am typing this from the cool poolside at HomeTeamNS). but, couple that with the madhatter assignments that we have to finish by this week, I is super drained.

& it resulted in a student waking me up just now because I fell asleep on the bus whilst on the way here! lucky she saved me khekhe. she said I nearly fell off my seat. I still cannot stop yawning!

during the brief desk stopover just now, I saw a note lying on top of my cluttered mess.

made me wonder how it landed there. I'm not so sure if it fell out of my 'board of words' or someone left it for me to find. very peculiar.

still, an apt reminder (and a mini boost) of why I should keep on moving!

when i trip over my feet.

2009-03-30T00:31:00.016+08:00

I really am not one to gush. these crammed days have been bearable & well, fun, what with mr.bangsawan always singing his comical tunes. you know, I never thought I would be able to spend an entire day with one person & still be reeling with laughter after so many hours.

[ Lykke Li - Dance Dance Dance ]

it's like dancing in the streets.